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Week 5: Aug 28-Sep 1 - Day 1

Episodes screened March 97 in the U.S. 

Aug 28

The Needle...

Having successfully procured the necessary medical drug from Dr Wu to stop Susan's lactation, Vivian talks soothingly as she unwraps the hypodermic.  Watching  suspiciously, Susan keeps her distance. 

You're not giving me that needle! Susan fumes.  Don't be difficult Susan! snaps Vivian annoyed at her victim's less than compliant attitude.  It's all for the best!

Backfires

Billieboob's plan to tell Hope the truth - that BozoCop is in fact undercover and Billieboob is just playing the part of his girlfriend, backfires as the man of the moment himself walks in to Titan. Being followed everywhere by J.L.King's henchmen, he knows no place is safe to exchange information and intuitively guesses that Billieboob is about to spill the beans, taking rapid steps to stop Billieboob midstream.

Billieboob's with me now, he says defiantly placing his arm possessively around the hapless Billieboob. There's nothing to discuss.  I love Billieboob and that is that.

Snorting from the corner, FrUnco offers his 2c.  I don no ow yoo cun bee so crool, he snorts, staring in disgust at Bozo as Salem cop supreme frogmarches Billieboob from the room.

What are you doing? Bozocop roars within ear's reach of the door.  People are following me everywhere.  If you tell Hope, you're putting her in danger too! 

I just can't see why Hope can't know! She's a cop, she'll do the right thing, whines Billieboob.  

But Bozo's mind is closed.  Hope must not find out, and Billieboob will be leaving soon on the Witness Protection Program.  It's nearly all arranged.

Confused 

As John stares at John Junior gurgling happily in the nursery, he thinks about how happy Kristen will be to finally have an opportunity to breast-feed their first-born.

Casting his mind back, he squints, remembering Marlena feeding Belle.  What a wonderful experience, he smiles, before pulling himself together.

I can't think of Doc in that way, he tells himself.  I'm with Kristen now.

Confronting Doc

It has been floating around John's grey matter for days now. Does Doc still hold feelings for him?  Confronting the good doctor, he's perturbed as she eyes him tearfully.  We are wonderful friends and I care for you very much, she tells him avoiding another potential opportunity to burst forth with the truth.

As John trots off happy in his ignorance, Amiable Abe, who has witnessed this conversation approaches Marlena.  Why didn't you tell him? he asks.  Bravely, Marlena swipes her tears away.  I talked with a priest.  Unless John was duped into marriage, he can't get the marriage annulled.  John takes his vows very seriously.  

For now, I'm going to remain silent, yet I'll still send meaningful and longing looks his way whenever the opportunity strikes.

Stop!

Realising that she needs Susan to breastfeed John Junior, Kristen skedaddles to Susan's apartment, hoping she'll get there before Vivian dispenses the needle to stop Susan's lactation.  As Ivan and Vivian try to hold Susan still, she continues to wriggle as Vivian waves the hypodermic wildly.

Stop! yells Kristen.  Don't do that!

As Vivian's attention is diverted, Susan squirms from her grasp, leaving Ivan to be stabbed with the hypodermic.  

Oh no! moans Ivan.  What is going to happen to me now?  I can't take this, I'm a man!

Vivian's annoyed.  What did you do that for? she enquiries of Kristen.  

The doctor has told me I have to breastfeed, Kristen explains.  Marlena is eyeing me like a hawk.  I have to use Susan again, at least a few times until I think of something else.

You want me to breastfeed lil Elvis? squeals Susan happily.  

Now don't get too excited Susan, Kristen warns.  You're just the hired help.  This is just to fill the gap while I try and figure out something more appropriate.

Kristen? asks Susan.  How do I look?  Fine, frowns Kristen. Now just get in there, feed the baby and remember, don't look John in the eye and don't say anything.  Alright?

Oh my husband John, he's such a nice man, smiles Susan dreamily.

Susan? He's MY husband and John Junior is my son.  Got that?  Hurry, we must get to the hospital.

Unhappy Ivan

Looking for Ivan, Vivian is mortified to see him drinking carton after carton of milk.  Surrounded by a mountain of empty milk boxes, he groans.  

Oh Madam,  I'm turning into a woman!  I cannot stop drinking milk and I'm sure my voice is getting higher.

Oh for goodness sakes Ivan, sighs Vivian, just go to Dr Wu - I've arranged an appointment for you and he tells me he's got an antidote.

But Ivan is not listening, daydreaming about the possibilities of newly acquired "man breasts".

Breaking his daydream, Vivian chuffs him towards the door.  Go on!  Dr Wu is waiting!

Naughty thoughts...

Arriving at the nursery, Susan looks around finding herself alone.  Picking up her baby, she heads towards the door.  You're going home with your momma, she whispers to the baby, looking wickedly this way and that, to check no one is looking.

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