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Week 3: Aug 14-Aug 18

Episodes screened February 97 in the U.S. 

July 31-Aug 4

A quick apology for the colour problems with some of the photos.  My computer problems with the video card continue and I've been battling getting something half way decent for you. I'm hoping all will be well next week. 

August 14

Misery

Sporting a brand new black eye thanks to some personality conflicts with his prison buddies, Jack remains stupidly optimistic.  Just thinking of Jennifer and Abbey makes his day brighter.

Meantime, Jennifer is at home agonising over her lonely existence.  Today is the first day Jack is permitted to have visitors - should she go? Is it pointless to pursue a relationship with a man who's in prison for the rest of his life?  Fortunately this agonising is kept to a minimum as Lil Abbey makes the decision for her mother.  She's drawn a pretty picture for daddy - of course Jennifer will take it to him.

Reporting In...

Commander Amiable Abe is meeting discreetly with undercover detective extraordinaire Bozo "Big Breasted Women Want Me" Brady.  

Abe's full of admiration.  Your ability to play the down-and-out cop ripe for bribery is nothing short of amazing - even your friends and family are shocked at your rapid descent.  And your mission improbable success in stealing the file of J.L.King from my safe despite the random laser beams was miraculous.  Let's hope J.L. King is now convinced you're on his side.

Modestly, Bozo agrees, but still he's concerned.  What about Hope? I saw her peering through the slats in your office door while I was lying prostrate - my arms through my ears and my elbows around my thighs resisting the laser beams - I think she thinks something is up.  I'll deal with it Amiable Abe nods seriously.

Embarrassment 

Pat the Rat the DA is back as viperous and humourless as we remember her.  She's meeting with Commander Amiable Abe to demonstrate to J.L.King and his attorney that they have all the evidence they need for a conviction.

As J.L. King yawns, clearly unimpressed with Commander Plod's assessment of his gloomy future, his lawyer looks on nervously.  Wait, Commander Amiable Abe tones, I'll show you.  I have your file carefully locked in my office safe, and secured by random laser beams in a state of the art setup when I leave the office.

What's this? he roars apparently shocked when a solitary Visa bill from 1985 floats softly to the floor.  What's happened to the file? he asks theatrically.

As Pat the Rat stares horrified at the empty safe, J.L. King smirks.  I guess you have nothing, the attorney bleats happily.  Make sure you're ready though.  We will be filing a suit against the city for police harassment.

What's happened? growls DA PatRat as Amiable Abe sighs, throwing up his hands in despair.

Confrontation

Hope's demanding answers.  Why are you pushing me away, she nags relentlessly.  Is it Billieboob? I want to work with you, I want to rid Salem of drugs Bo.  Raising his eyebrows, Bozo looks bored.  That's the sort of thing you do if you're a detective - but in case you haven't noticed, I'm now a beat cop.  I don't have access to anything like that.  I suggest that you let the rest of the Salem Plods do their job without interfering.

Alright, Hope sighs clearly unhappy.  If you say so.

Visit No. 1

The internal struggle Jennifer suffered as to whether she should or should not visit Jack in prison is mercifully over.  I'm okay, Jack assures her, his obvious efforts to conceal his black eye drawing Jennifer's attention to it all the more. It's okay, Jack says manfully.  We were just playing a friendly game of basketball and I got hit with a stray iron bar - that's all. 

Happy to believe this whopper, Jennifer passes on Lil Abbey's love, whilst assuring Jack's foreseeable future in prison remains intact by reminding him Never-Win Mickey is fighting for his appeal.

The Test...

The life of a drug lord is not an easy one.  Not only do you have the daily worries of suppliers, potential drug busts and your sycophants' troublesome behaviours, it's also important to worry about the love lives of bad cops too.

Yes indeed.  It's vital for J.L. to know just whom Bozo is romantically involved with.  Once he finds out this information, he'll have more leverage by knowing BozoCop's "hot spot".

Send out invitations to the club, he barks to his cohort in crime.  I want both Hope and Billieboob invited.  Then we can sit back and see where BozoCop's loyalty lies.  I don't believe his story that he's not interested in either of these well-endowed women.  He's a man isn't he?

August 15

Vivian's warning..

Vivian's worried.  If Susan manages to reveal the truth about Kristen, Kristen will have lost everything - and that means her voting power on the Titan board will be gone, leaving Vivian with no allies.  We must ensure that Kristen's secrets are safe, she tells Ivan, but with Marlena and Susan hanging around, we'll have our work cut out for us!

Look I want to thank you both, Kristen says sincerely.  It means so much to me that you have been willing to help.  Especially to get rid of Susan last night.  Stunned, Vivian stares at Kristen who looks immediately stricken.  I didn't get rid of her, she mutters - I thought you did!

Outside the hospital, Susan is mumbling.  I must get back to see my poor baby "Elvis".  He needs me, and I'm not going to leave town like Kristen wanted.  I just can't do it. uh-uh.

Mum to the rescue...

Buddy the bruiser, the school drug pusher, has made a personal trek to the home of ShawnD.  ShawnD has caused problems for Buddy, now that the school is aware of the active drug trade happening in the precinct and has determined to be ever vigilant for drug pushers such as Buddy.  

Not one for polite conversation, Buddy decides to introduce his fist to ShawnD's solar plexus by way of indicating his displeasure, before Hope, hearing the commotion runs from the house.  Buddy the Bruiser, intimidated no doubt by Hope's bouncing boobs and rightfully fearing imminent suffocation or worse, makes a run for it as Hope drags her son from the ground. 

I swear, she vows raising a fist, as God is my witness I am going to outlaw the entire globe of the scourge of drugs! (No matter what I promised to my former husband).

Marlena to the rescue

Knowing that John is distressed over little John's tenuous hold on life, Marlena has summoned Caroline to bring the children to the hospital where John will conduct his annual fatherly audience.

Standing Brady on his head, screaming alarmingly in his ear, laughing hysterically at Belle and garbling unintelligibly appears to be John's idea of fatherhood as Marlena looks on dreamily.

That witch! snaps Kristen close by.  She's decided to remind John that he has children with her too!  What a devious, manipulative woman she is!  Perhaps, whispers Vivian accurately, she feels the same about you.

There's a problem!

Well here's a tricky problem.  Little John Junior needs blood for his impending heart surgery and Kristen knows that should she donate, her secret will be out, her life with John over.  

I know you hate needles honey, but our son needs it, John urges as Kristen smiles wanly. Of course I'll give blood for our son, she agrees, as Marlena aware and suspicious, observes her through skinny eyes.

Problem on the loose.

As Caroline fusses over Brady, human tornado Belle totters off alone into the hospital corridor.  Clearly Caroline can't cope as she wrings her hands and groans.  Fortunately, Susan is standing nearby.  Don't you worry, she smiles at Caroline.  I look after this young man here till you return.

What's your name young man? asks Susan.  Bwady, lisps the infant.  Bwady Bwack.  Black? asks Susan interested.  Are you John Black's son?

Overhearing Caroline speak with Shawn Patrick Ryan O'Leary Irish Leprechaun Brady, Susan is concerned when Shawn emotes loudly.  

That baby of John's needs blood for the operation - to be sure, to be sure. he laments. I wish I could give, but I'm not the right blood type, no I'm not, I'm not.

I know about you.

Kristen swallows nervously as John confronts her.  I know, he tells her seriously.  You've been keeping a secret and now I know.

You er do? stutters Kristen.

Yes, I know that you're anaemic and you shouldn't be giving blood.  It was lucky Dr Robbo told me.  Fortunately, I'm a match to John Jnr, so I'll give blood.  You should have told me honey - can't have you making yourself sick!

Sharing glances, Vivian, Kristen and Ivan breathe a sigh of relief as John trots off - happily clueless.

Do something...

Hope places a call to Bozo.  You've got to do something, a kid from the school was just here punching our child to a pulp in our backyard.  We've got to rid the world of drugs. 

Sorry, no can do, beat cop! BozoCop reminds her.  Is ShawnD okay?

Yes, he's fine sighs Hope clearly upset over Bozo's disinterest.  What happened Bo? she whines.  What happened to your passion? Your commitment to saving the world? Your personal crusades?

I'm a beat cop now, he repeats ad nauseam.  I have no authority and lots of problems to work out.

Giving Blood

As John gives blood, Marlena tells him that a woman, concerned about little John Junior's health, is giving blood for him as well in the next cubicle.  John's touched.  

Hello? Lady in the next bed? he asks.  I just want to thank you for doing this.  Do I know you?

Um, replies Susan.  Well, er you might!

Hearing Susan's voice, Vivian and Kristen share stunned glances.  It's Susan! We've got to get her out of here, shrills Kristen.

Dragging Susan reluctantly from the bed just before Marlena opens the curtain, John looks confused as he stares at the empty bed.  Where did she go? he asks frowning.

The decision is made

Hope's received an invitation from the Nasty Club, courtesy of J.L.King. That's the nightclub I was at last week trying to find information, she tells Special Event Maggie who sighs and looks blank in return.

If Bozo is unwilling to enter another adventure with me, the least I can do, is enter into a solo crusade to rid Salem and the rest of the free world of drugs.

Aug 16

Another Guest Accepts

Receiving the same invitation is Billieboob who wastes no time shrugging on a lycra strap and sashaying into the poorly lit venue to seek out Bozo BBWWM Brady.

Good News

Great news! The operation has been a success.  John Jnr will be fine, assures the world-renowned heart specialist.

Oh thank you Doctor! mutters John hi-fiving his friends and maximising all potential opportunities to closely embrace the other member of his personal harem.

That's wonderful news! exults Marlena holding on a little too long, and a little too tight.

Sidling alongside Marlena, Loony/Lucid Laura settles happily on her shoulder.  You know what you should do, she whispers in her ear.  Kristen's not here, the baby is going to be fine.  Now is your opportunity to tell John everything.

You're right! smiles Marlena gleefully.  Finally, she whispers, the day I've waited for is finally here!

John? she commands.  I need to have a word with you.  It's important.  Okay, agrees Mr Flexible allowing himself to be led away as Vivian looks on with horror.  

Where is Kristen? she asks Ivan who shrugs.  She's disappeared and Marlena's going to tell John what she knows!

The way it is...

Unaware that Marlena is about to ruin her life, Kristen takes to threatening Susan, reminding her that Little Elvis has in fact been named John Junior and that the infant is Kristen and John's baby not hers.  Susan has been paid good money by Stefano DiMera and it would not be wise to defy him.

Threats appear to be the wrong tactic and Susan stands her ground stubbornly.  John is my husband and Elvis is my baby and I don't want to leave Salem! she snorts as Kristen does a slow boil.

Lovelorn

Grasping her invitation to the Nasty Club, Hope sighs.  FrUnco, I have to go and see Bozo. I don't understand his change of attitude towards me - he'll be at the Nasty Club I'm sure and we can clear up our lovelife and re-establish our future together.  I just hope it's not too late.

Oh oh....

Oh oh, Billieboob is in trouble - big trouble.  As Bozo the bad cop plays his part talking with J.L. King, Billieboob is quietly listening through the keyhole.  No! Billieboob whispers shocked.  Bozo can't be a bad cop dealing with a horrible drug lord! What is going on here?

Leaning forward, her substantial breast size causes her to tip forward and unbalanced, she plummets to the earth with a thud.  What's that? asks J.L. angrily striding towards the door.  Grasping Billieboob by the arm, he drags her inside as Bozo looks on horrified.

I knew it! J.L. explodes.  This is a setup!

Hawaii

Kate's plan to ship Scami off to an Hawaiian rehabilitation clinic has gone sour, when Scami insists Ausdumb - her loving husband, accompany her. Thinking on his feet is a difficult act for poor Ausdumb who, looking at Carrie with puppy eyes, reluctantly agrees.

Dragging his feet towards the door, an idea hits the grey matter.  Oh! I have a job! he grins.  I can't go!

Fortunately brother Mucus is all smiles and there to help.  Well as Mom is your boss, I don't think it will be a problem for you to get time off will there? he grins wincing as Ausdumb flashes his brother a withering glance, before slumping from the room.

What to do? agonises Salem's resident genius, as Carrie looks bored. Allowing Scami to think she is happily married to you is just ridiculous, she pouts echoing our collective thoughts at home.

The Opportunity...

Finally the moment has arrived.  One of many moments actually, where Marlena has had the opportunity to tell John the truth about Kristen.  Well! she embarks upon her mission, I have something to tell you John.  Something I've been meaning to tell you for a very long time.

That is, in fact, not all that long, but long enough in the scheme of things.  Now, oh gosh, where to begin? Well I guess I should begin at the beginning, but well, if I keep on rambling, something is bound to interrupt us, so perhaps I should start at the end, beginning with your baby being okay and healthy, and then work backwards....

Waiting patiently, John's nostrils flare and his eyes glaze over.  What are you trying to tell me Marlena? he asks in his endearing "where did my brain go" way.

August 17

Fighting for their lives....

J.L. King smells a rat, but BozoCop, regaining his detective smarts (no doubt a temporary condition) starts to confess.  Okay, he admits, I kept this information from you, because I didn't want you to know.  Billieboob is my girlfriend okay? I'm trying to keep it quiet, because breaking up with Hope has been very messy.

Fortunately Billieboob remains silent, her eyes widening as Bozo embarks upon one whopper after the other.  Billieboob is jealous okay? She's come after me to see what I was doing. What are you doing here Billieboob? he snarls exasperated, but Billieboob wisely keeps her mouth shut and shrugs.

Okay, nods J.L. King convinced.  Now I've got leverage. I know your "hot button".  Do what I say or you both get it okay?

Sure, agrees Bozo.  She won't say a word.

As they leave, Bo stops Billieboob on the stairs.  Do you know that you nearly got us both killed? he snaps as Billieboob winces.

Nervous

Unable to stop Marlena from telling John all, Vivian sips her coffee nervously.  Where is Kristen? she asks desperately.

Changing attitude...

Realising a change of tactics are needed, Kristen decides to empathise with Susan's plight.  I understand how difficult it is for you, but you see John Junior is sick - do you have the money to pay for his care? You know you don't.  But you can get away knowing that John and I love him and will care for him like we are his real parents.  In the meantime, you can visit wonderful parts of the world, maybe meet a man who loves you and have more children.

Well, Susan considers slowly, I always did want to visit Paris....

Beating around the bush...

Well, that is Marlena sighs.  Gosh, well what I really want to say is, John you have a right to be happy.

That's a fact, John confirms, and so do you Doc.

er, Thank you, Marlena smiles.  Well what I want to say is, that is....

A plan

Fresh from circumventing Susan's disastrous plans, Kristen walks into more trouble.  Marlena is in that room right now about to tell John everything! Vivian urges her ally.  You must do something!

As Marlena continues to beat around the bush, they're startled by a scream.  Quick someone! calls Vivian.  Do something!

Racing outside, John finds Kristen in a dead faint on the floor.  Honey honey! wake up he says urgently, as Marlena crosses her arms suspiciously, another opportunity obviously lost to a case of extended babbling.

Oh, Kristen groans, what happened?  You fainted, John tells her.  I'm going to get a doctor to look at you.  No, no! Kristen argues as John races for assistance.

Glancing towards Vivian and Ivan, Marlena frowns.  Whatever Kristen's up to, it appears Vivian and Ivan are involved.

Explanations...

Walking with Billieboob to the dance floor, Bozo tells her to smile.  We're being watched, he says grinning frostily.  Now you know I'm working undercover and because of that, you may get us both killed.  Now come onto the dance floor, and don't forget to smile - they're looking at us.  

With pleasure Billieboob smiles, happy to be in Bozo's arms again, but Bozo speaks plainly.  This is all an act he tells her as they grope and twist, I love Hope okay?

Too bad Hope can't hear Bozo's words as she looks on painfully seeing her former husband writhe sexily with Billieboob.

Unable to stop herself, she confronts him tearfully.  What happened Bozo? she challenges.  Here you are in a sleazy bar, hanging out with Billieboob - well looks like I've lost then. Congratulations Billieboob! she snorts at Billieboob looks abashed.

Seeing J.L. King's interest in proceedings, Bozo looks bored.  Go home to our son, you shouldn't be here, he tells her before grasping Billieboob and resuming the lambada.

Devastated Hope runs from the room with FrUnco happily trotting alongside punching the air and doing the dance of joy.  

Medical Assistance...

Despite Kristen's protestations, John can't be deferred from his mission to seek expert medical help for Kristen's fainting spell.  I'm fine! she insists, but Dr Roberts shakes his head.  You're overdue for your examination after childbirth, you've been stressed.  As John removes himself from the room, Kristen appeals to the doctor.

Please? she begs.  I just want to go home.  Dr Roberts, obviously on commission for the number of patients checked on any one day, remains adamant.  Now I've got you, I'm examining you! he says firmly reaching for his stethoscope.  

Saved by the public address system.  Dr Roberts needed stat! comes the dulcet tones of a female and Robbo grimaces.  

Drat! he spits as he watches the commission bought sports-car disappear. Promise me, I'm doing this medical check tomorrow young lady. 

Tomorrow, agrees Kristen smiling.

Good news! announces Kristen after Dr Robbo departs.  Dr Roberts said I can go home.  As John starts to cluck and fuss, Marlena is savvy to what's going on.

Wait one minute, she commands.  I have something to say.  John, we have to complete our conversation.

Can we do it later Doc? frowns John.  I want to get Kristen home, she's had a hard time of it, he explains as Kristen stands by looking sickly.

Alright, Marlena agrees.  But you and I will be continuing this conversation tonight John.  I've waited far too long to tell you what you need to know.

Fine! smiles John thickly as Kristen stares hatefully at her enemy

August 18

Home

Having no life of her own, Loony/Lucid Laura chooses to live vicariously through her friend Marlena - who at this moment is bursting with excitement.  

Kristen may have won a small battle by feigning ill health at the hospital, but Marlena is going to have her way - one way or another.

John is going to hear the truth - tonight.  

I've just come home to get into a sexy evening dress, play with my children, fuss with my hair for half an hour and allow the maximum amount of scheming to go on at the DiMansion before I going over there to tell John everything! determines Marlena as Laura grins from ear to ear. 

Loose Cannon

Despite the best scheming in the world, nothing can stop Susan, the loose cannon. Traumatised over the birth and loss of her newborn baby to Kristen, she starts to weep.  I want my baby back!  No matter what Kristen says! she sobs grasping her cabbage patch doll close to her chest.

Desperate Times...

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Stefano and Peter are away recuperating and Kristen's all alone. Her world will crumble tonight unless she thinks of something.  Sighing she picks up the phone and calls Marlena.  I'd like you appeal to your kinder side, she tells her as Marlena's eyes open wide in exasperation.

I've waited long enough Kristen! she spits as Laura cheers from the sidelines.  If you think I'm going to wait one minute more to tell John about your scheming and your manipulation and your evil ways, you'd better think again!  I'm going to tell John tonight Kristen.  

Squeezing the phone in anger, Kristen listens to Marlena's words with increasing despair.  I've lost everyone I love Marlena, everyone! You let John go twice!  You just can't bear anyone else to have him! challenges Kristen, but Marlena's unimpressed.

Be prepared Kristen, Marlena warns.  Tonight is going to be the worst night of your life!

Vivian to the rescue...

Realising that Kristen can't orchestrate a plan alone, Vivian stops by, but John is annoyed.  She's tired, he says firmly, but he's powerless to stop Vivian as she seeks out Kristen.

This is all driving me crazy! Kristen wails.  Waving a gun around, she has Vivian's full attention.  Marlena and Susan, they're responsible for all of this - they'll force me to use it!

I've got a plan, Vivian whispers.  Granted it may not work, but at this stage, I think anything is worth a try.  Marlena's got to be pipped at the post, and although my plan is risky, what other choice do we have?

Amiable Abe

Time is passing as Amiable Abe calls on Marlena.  You're going to tell John you love him? asks Abe incredulously.  But Marlena! John is not free!  Why didn't you tell him months ago?  As Marlena outlines her story, Vivian's plan is swinging into action at the DiMansion.

Understanding Marlena's plight, Abe shows compassion.  Good luck Marlena, he smiles giving her his full blessing.

The Plan

Kristen's devastated! Vivian tells John.  But if he knows nothing else, John knows women and he puts Kristen's strange demeanour down to a case of post partum depression.  

It's more than that, Vivian argues.  She knows how you feel about Marlena.  She knows that Marlena is the woman you love - all those long yearning looks that you send her way whenever you're around. She knows that now the baby is born, you'll probably turn to Marlena and she thinks she's going to lose you.

John's astounded to see Kristen packing a suitcase.  Let's talk about this Kristen, he moans, but Kristen looks at him sadly.  I think it's time I got away for a while, she suggests.  I don't want to talk about it.

You're breaking my heart Kristen, mutters John as he leaves the room miserably.

Meanwhile...

At Condoheaven, Marlena has slipped into an evening gown and his debating over the dubious benefits of her chosen hairstyle in breaking horrendous emotional news.

Finally ready she steps back as Loony/Lucid Laura applauds.  You look wonderful! grins Laura.  Go get that man of yours!

Backfired...

Guilty as sin, John is agonising.  Has he really done the unthinkable? Has he shown to Kristen that he still has feelings for Doc and in turn has Marlena fallen in love with him all over again?  What a cad!  Grasping Vivian, he's desperate.  Is that what I've done? he shouts.  Does Marlena love me?  

As Vivian purses her lips tightly, John makes a decision.

If that's the case, we have to speak immediately.  I've been playing with the emotions of the two women I care about most in the world! And that's not fair!

Reporting In...

Vivian's worried. Their strategy is not going to plan.  Far from the original intention for John to spurn Marlena's visit due to his guilt over Kristen's misery, it appears he now wants to talk with her!  

What are we going to do? cries Kristen.  My life is over if he talks to Marlena!

What happens next? Tune in next week for Days Downunder...

Last week's Quizlet Results: To the question: Does Marlena have the right to break up John and Kristen by telling what she knows - readers voted: 

18%   Yes - she deserves happiness!
55%   Yes - John SHOULD know what he's getting
5%   No one has a right to breakup a marriage
7%   No Adults make their own choices. good & bad
16%   John's too dopey to understand anyway!

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